It burns my retinas! Aieeeee!
A little while ago I discovered the fun in following a few celebrities on this Twitter thing that everyone’s so excited about, so much so that I was sneaking into the corners at my work checking who’s up and tweeting that day. I happened to notice Jonathan Ross talking about a game he managed to get sneak preview of and was ‘testing’ it with his kids, he dropped the name of the title and in doing so I nearly dropped my iPhone. It was The Sims 3.
Now I can understand it’s not exactly the gaming holocaust or anything since that’s already come and gone, but on a more personal note the entire Sims franchise reverberates in the darkest corners of my brain as some of the truly most aggravating moments of my life.
Oh yes! It’s a lie on the couch and tell the nice man where the nasty man touched me! In a previous job I was responsible for checking customer’s computers and performing maintenance and upgrades when required, it was monkey work for the most part but nonetheless it gave me precious beer tokens. Sadly, the retailer I worked for was also for a prominent UK computer superstore and consequently the customers level of computer literacy was little more than ‘if I push this button it’ll light up’ and even then that was more of the intermediate level for some of these rather affected individuals. To some of these cave-people I was tech wizard extrodinaire (for being able to reinstall Windows – MANUALLY) to others I was the monkey boy that’ll make the shiny box work again, for free, or they will complain to the manager. Oh how they were irksome…
Anywho, the main problem was when the Sims 2 launched way way back in glorious 2004. Every child who liked the original or simply knew of a child who liked the original pestered their parents to buy it, and they did. The popularity was immense and still is with expansions for all sorts of shit, hell there’s even an expansion that gives IKEA furniture in-game!
The snag was that Sims 2 also happened to be vastly graphically superior, despite warnings from every staff member that sold them the game. I remember overhearing and groaning loudly as a colleague would quiz them about their purchase at the counter:
Staffer: “Have you checked the system requirements on the back of the case to make sure it’ll run on your PC? We ask this since we do not offer refunds on PC games”
Customer who Urgently Needs Training: “Oh aye… it runs on XP doesn’t it?”
S: “Yes, but bear in mind you still need graphics hardware. Not all XP machines have it. You might need to upgrade your PC”
C.U.N.T.: “But I just bought the PC four years ago, I’ll get a refund if it doesn’t work”
S: “We can’t, I just told you…”
C.U.N.T.: “I’ll still come back and I’ll get my refund”
Staffer proceeds to wearily sigh and process sale, and sends delusional C.U.N.T. away
At this point I’d like to point out that the company I worked for had a strict policy on PC game returns, but unaware that their massive customer base can be best described as a boatload of fucktards (with some exceptions, but they sadly only prove the rule).
A week or so later we get the first wave of angry mothers and fathers. We attempt to put on our bravest professional faces, which quickly cascade into ‘we told you so’ smugness coupled with aggravation. We would be branded as evil for letting people buy software that was ‘faulty’ – because it wouldn’t play on their piece of shit computers.
Me: “How have you come to the conclusion it’s faulty, are you a software programmer?”
C.U.N.T: “Don’t get smart with me and fix this for me, you have ruined my kids birthday!”
Usually what that meant was that they wanted free hardware to upgrade their PC to play it, since we were so evil enough to sell kiddie games to kids. After a quick bout of training the customer and/or some 160dB arguing with the manager, they would either leave:
(A) empty handed, save for the game they can’t use or
(B) concede that the PC needs the upgrades and pays for them including labour, since they are too stupid to figure out where the AGP slot lives or
(C) buy a whole new computer, capable of running the game. The snag was they’d only spring for the spec that would barely cover it.
Fast forward 5 years later, and now the same cycle is likely going to repeat itself for a lot of people. Then again, a lot of these stupid kids will be all grown up and won’t play Sims anymore but since there are plenty idiots all over I’m damn certain a lot of old battered computers will be expected to play the latest and greatest games.
I can appreciate that there’s been many a AAA title for the PC that spawns a massive surge in upgrades on existing hardware, but considering the last major title was Crysis which isn’t exactly a mainstream kid friendly title, and one that usually has the ‘hardcore gamer’ contingent aware of the protocols and conventions (i.e. you need the specs, GFX card and all and if you don’t then kit it out first). Sims doesn’t really have that kind of audience.
I suppose my point as convoluted as it is would be spare a thought for the tech guys, or the friend or family member you turn to in your times of computery need. To all those support staff (paid or otherwise) I sympathise with your plight if you get moaned at, just make sure you make those who annoy you feel regret for rubbing you the wrong way 
Here’s an idea of what to expect (courtesy of Wikipedia) and granted that it looks not too bad for older machines, I still anticipate many parents will still get pestered to buggery.
Also since another thought sprang to mind, they’ll get pestered to get it working on those little shitty 1GHz netbooks! Mwa ha ha ha ha! In that case I wonder how they’ll argue that one…
Still the Sims 2 will always go down in my memory as the game that launched a thousand whinges: 500 from the kids to the parents, and the other 500 from the parents to my face.
UPDATE: I had a little shot of the Mac version. Wasn’t impressed at all. Game seems fine but
